All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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