I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
