he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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