I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
