thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
