how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i love accidental penises.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
