omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
