My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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