I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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