so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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