Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
FUCK WHALES
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
