3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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