Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize