I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I want a musical about memes.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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