either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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