4 words: hood of his car
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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