where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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