Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
