holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
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I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Blood and glitter go together right?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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