So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Are my feet made of real feet?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
