I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
