Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
