Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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