So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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