Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
