wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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