I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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