hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
