i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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