I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Found the puke drawer
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
