So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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