he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
