I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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