38 yer olds are good kisserssss
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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