I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you repeat that, but with context?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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