Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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