Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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