i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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