whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
