Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
