OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
