I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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