Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
