I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
