I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
