you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
