I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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