I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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