how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
