I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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