It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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