dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
