Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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