This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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