I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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