plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
