im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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