Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
