The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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