Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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