i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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