I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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