Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
