I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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