i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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