apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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