this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
