Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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