Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize