I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
